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‘But there’s something else I need to know.’ I started laughing. ‘Geez, you’re a nosy fucker,’ I said. She started bawling. Howling. I think I opened some levity in this conversation that needed to be there. ‘Yep,’ she said. ‘Andrea tells me that all the time. But seriously, this is an awkward but a good question.’ ‘What’s that?’ I asked. ‘You haven’t told her that you like to Dom, have you?’ she asked. ‘No, I haven’t,’ I said. ‘You should have that talk with her,’ she said – in a very good way. Andrea. A sub. I wasn’t quite sure how to take that news. I knew that Andrea liked it when I came on rough to her, but I never thought of having her as a sub. I couldn’t see doing that with a woman I would have feelings for. I’ve always thought that as a side of me that was detached from the real me, and the subs I’ve had were only players. I always treated them well, but that’s all they ever were – players. But knowing that about her, I couldn’t focus on my work, and I couldn’t think of. These were hidden in my bedroom and I was never challenged about them. Gradually I built a collection and put them in a folder. I was an only c***d and realised later in life a bit aspergic so never felt comfortable socialising with girls. Unlike many of the guys on XH I never had the confidence to get a sex life until much later. However still got erections on the bus to school and tried to hide them. Went red with embarrassment when anywhere near girls. Kept on wanking as a secret. Again like most of us thought I was the only one because I had no one to discuss it with. My father had a shop and three doors down a guy opened a secondhand bookshop. This was a godsend because they had back issues of fiesta and knave, so I really got my cock out and wanked at least daily. Yes I had a girlfriend and felt comfortable having a feel but the fear of getting her pregnant and the embarrassment of buying condoms made me not go for sex. And thus my fears kept me a virgin until age 25. I.
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